Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Remember those web sites where you could anonymously confess to things? I have a great idea for one focused solely on teenagers. I'd like to see admissions like the following:

  • I pricked a hole in mommy's diaphram because I wanted a little brother. When she got pregnant, my dad accused her of sleeping around and they divorced instead. And I got a sister.
  • Every morning, I'd stand with my back against my bedroom door so no one could come in. Then I'd masturbate. The carpet got so scrungey, I blamed the dog for vomiting there. My dad then got rid of the dog. My siblings still hate my dad for getting rid of our pet.
  • I routinely stole $20 from my dad's wallet or my mom's purse every week. When they got suspicious, I planted a twenty-dollar bill on my kid brother and he got sent to a "scared straight" juvenile prison farm for the summer.
  • I watched my sister and her boyfriend have sex every week in the basement. She told my parents that I was smoking. So I sent an anonymous letter to my dad telling him about their sex-sessions. He caught them and beat up her boyfriend, who then successfully sued my dad.
  • When I was 13, I was jealous that my older brother got a birthday cake. So when my mom answered the doorbell, I poured Comet into the cake. Everyone got sick, and my mom got blamed and she never was allowed to participate in bake sales at school or church ever again.
  • My dad caught me smoking pot, so I started to throw his cartons of cigarettes into the fireplace. When he got mad, I blamed my mom and they got into a fight and she hit him with a frying. He had to get stiches, and they separated for a year.
  • My parents feared that as a teenage boy, I'd have sex with a female babysitter. So they got me a male one, and I had sex with him from age 12 to age 18.

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