Friday, February 12, 2016

Lucas "Snapper" Carr is almost universally reviled within the DC Comics universe. But I love him. He's turned into a sexy boy with a great body, a doofus attitude, a sweet nature, and a good heart. And, according to someone who knows, he's well-endowed and really good in the sack. But I digress....

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He was part of the Justice League from the get-go, introduced in the very first JLA adventure because DC Comics executive editor (some list his title as editor-in-chief) Whitney Ellsworth wanted to milk the nation's fascination with James Dean and Kookie Kookson on the TV series 77 Sunset Strip. Ellsworth came up with the name, and the idea of finger-snapping.

Snapper was intended to be a teenager with a "hip" attitude, a beatnik style, and (of course) a leather jacket and pompadour hair-do. A lot of what he said came out in rhyme. The most embarrasing part of it was, he snapped his fingers whenever he said something or saw something "cool".

Snapper's uncle, the wealthy Simon Carr, gave the Justice League their first headquarters, in a cave near Happy Harbor, Rhode Island. (I know. Not New York City or Boston or D.C. or Los Angeles or Chicago. Some doofus town nowhere near anything. Fuck, it's not even Providence!) Snapper helped the League in nearly all its adventures until 1969. Denny O'Neill finally got rid of Snapper in Justice League of America Vol. 1, #77 (December 1969). Snapper is shown (all of a sudden) to be upset that he's perceived as nothing more than a mascot rather than a real hero by his school chums and the public. "John Dough" (billed as "the most normal man in America") meets the discouraged Snapper and says that he intends to rid the world of super-powered people so that "everyone can be normal again". Snapper agrees to help him, and subdues Batman. The Atom gets away, though. Posing as Batman, "John Dough" arrives at JLA headquarters and invites the League members to a "John Dough" rally. "John Dough" bathes the crowd at the rally with a ray that makes them go wild. When the heroes try to stop the riot, microchips in their tickets cause them to lose control of their powers and they go berserk. Congress decides to investigate, and "John Dough" shows up at a congressional hearing dressed as Batman. "Batman" tells the panel that he now supports "John Dough" and his campaign against super-powered beings. Meanwhile, the real Batman escapes his prison and arrives at the hearing. "John Dough" flees by tossing a coupple grenades into the crowd, and the League is distracted from capturing him by saving the people. Snapper resigns from the League, claiming he believes in "John Dough's" ideals even though Dough is a villain. The League return to their hideout, only to discover "John Dough" there -- and that he's the Joker. It seems Snapper revealed the location of the Justice League's cave to "John Dough" some time earlier. Joker takes down Superman with a kryptonite ray and manages to subdue a few others, but Batman and Black Canary overcome the Clown Prince of Crime. The JLA decides to build a satellite in orbit for their new headquarters.

Snapper shows up five years later in Justice League of America Vol. 1, #114 (November 1974), when a mentally ill man calling himself Anakronus kidnaps Snapper and his family. Snapper manages to delay the man from killing them by making him relate his adventures. Anakornus spins fantastic tales of killing the world's superheroes, including the JLA. It's all in his mind, of course, and soon enough the real JLA shows up and easily apprehends Anakronus.

Snapper's adventures with the Justice League in its early days would be recounted in the 12-issue maxi-series JLA: Year One #1-12 (January-December 1998). Snapper's uncle, Simon would appear in issue #2, while Snapper himself first appeared in issue #3. He would not appear in issues #6 or #7, however. JLA: Year One was an attempt to rewrite the JLA's early history, which had changed significantly after DC Comics rebooted its comic universe in 1985's "Crisis on Infinite Earths" cross-over event. DC had also relaunched Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman since then, making their appearance in early Justice League stories problematic. In November 1988, DC Comics published Secret Origins #32, which confirmed that Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman were not founding members of the Justice League. JLA: Year One was meant to clear up the confusion.

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Snapper's big break (as a villain) came in 1977, three years later. The Key was a villain who had brainwashed Snapper back in 1965 (Justice League of America Vol. 1, #41 [December 1965]), and induced him to poison the JLA's food. The poison forced the heroes to disband the Justice League, and blinded them to the existence of the Key and his henchmen. The Key failed to account for sidekicks like Hawkgirl, Robin, and others, who immediately see the danger, restore the JLAers, and capture the Key. The Key fought the JLA twice more (Justice League of America Vol. 1 #63 [June 1968] and Justice League of America Vol. 1 #110 [March 1974]), but Snapper was not present for these battles. In Justice League of America Vol. 1 #149 (December 1977), Doctor Light attempts one of the JLA's invisible transmat tubes so he can access the JLA Satellite. Mark Shaw, the former Manhunter, shows up using his new superhero identity, The Privateer. Privateer is defeated by LIght, but manages to summon the Justice League. Light flees, but runs into another villain -- the Star-Tsar. Light attacks Star-Tsar, but Star-Tsar shrugs off the attack. As the JLA arrives, Star-Tsar flees and then attacks the Belgravian Embassy. Doctor Light, who has followed him, blows the whistle on the robbery. The JLA arrives and apprehend the Star-Tsar's henchmen. Searching for the Star-Tsar, the Leaguers discover Snapper Carr lurking nearby. Both Flash and Privateer are suspicious of Snapper's presence, but Superman says he's discovered Light's nearby lair. It's a trap, though, and Light uses a "spectriminator" to cause the heroes to go out of phase with reality. Green Lantern overcomes the device, however. Amazingly the Star-Tsar helps the Justice League escape before fleeing himself. Doctor Light, seeing that the heroes have gotten free, blows a hole in the wall of his hideout and escapes. Outside, the JLA discovers the Star-Tsar has been knocked unconscious by debris from the blast. They unmask him, only to discover that the Star-Tsar is Snapper Carr.

In Justice League of America Vol. 1 #150 (January 1978), Star-Tsar is freed by his henchmen, but their getaway vehicles leave behind a distinctive radioactive trace. Several League members this trail to the Star-Tsar's lair, where they are captured by the "real" Star-Tsar (who has imprisoned Carr). The League free themselves and the "real" Star-Tsar is discovered to be The Key. The Key reveals that the bombs he used to try to kill the League back in 1974 were "stellar bombs" which gave off a peculiar radiation. When Green Lantern John Stewart used his power ring to contain the blast, it drove the radiation downward into the Key's subterranean lair where the Key had prepared machinery to utilize the radiation. But The Key was only able to close the machinery over his head before the blast hit. The Key's body survived in a dwarfish form, while his head remained life-size. Building a robotic body for himself, he approached a disillusioned Carr, provided him with weapons and henchmen, and launched his latest attack on the Justice League. Red Tornado, however, discloses that the Key is not the real Star-Tsar, either: Mark Shaw is. Shaw came up with the villainous identity and approached The Key for help, which The Key gave. When Shaw refused to hold up his end of the bargain and help The Key kill the League, The Key manufactured a mechanical Star-Tsar body and used Snapper Carr to carry out The Key/Star-Tsar's more athletic crimes. (Since The Key/Star-Tsar could appear alongside Snapper, no suspicion would fall on Snapper.)

At the end of this adventure, Superman tells the League that he has "something special in mind" for Snapper, other than prison.

Apparently, it was just letting him go.

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Over the next few years, Snapper shows up here and there.

In Justice League of America Vol. 1 #181 (August 1980), Green Arrow resigns from the JLA. His reason? Earlier that week, after a JLA meeting, Black Canary and Green Arrow investigated an explosion at the Star City Museum. They're attacked by the Star-Tsar, and are felled. Canary managed to summon the JLA just in time, and the Star-Tsar flees. The two heroes are rushed to the hospital. Snapper Carr just HAPPENS to show up, and says his Star-Tsar suit was stolen from the police by an astronomer named Richard Rigel, who was working on technology powered by starlight. Green Arrow almost attacks Snapper (angry over Black Canary's injuries), but is restrained. Green Arrow figures out where Star-Tsar will attack next, but the JLA blunders in and accidentally prevent him from stopping the villain. Green Arrow then uses a "smog arrow" to block the starlight powering the Star-Tsar suit, and defeats the guy. But, appalled at the way the JLA operates, Green Arrow resigns.

Snapper appeared again in Legends of the DC Universe #12-13 (January–February 1999). This comic book series showed out-of-continuity adventures of various DC Comics heroes set at various points in the past. These two issues are set some time after Green Arrow's resignation in 1980 from the League, but before 1989. Snapper Carr just happens to be standing around when five JLA members begin growing to monstrous size. Snapper suggests that the growth is due to the side-effects of a shrink ray used on the five League members decades earlier by a very minor villain named Packrat. Snapper goes to find Green Arrow, who is able to locate Packrat's shrink ray. The heroes are returned to normal size, and Snapper slinks off. Interestingly, Green Arrow tells Snapper that he needs to forgive himself. He shows up again in Legends of the DC Universe #40-41 (May-June 2001), where he assists the Atom in building equipment and running software programs to fight the villain Chronos.

In the three-issue Invasion! series, we get to see Snapper Carr again. The Dominators, an alien race usually seen in the Legion of Super-Heroes book, have decided to invade Earth to leaern the secret of the metagene -- that mutant gene that can given certain human beings super-powers. In Invasion! #1 (January 1989), thousands of Earthlings have been kidnapped and taken to the Dominator homeworld, where they are forced to run a gauntlet of horrific, deadly traps and experiments. Six humans, including Snapper, survive, an indication that they have the metagene. Indeed, the attacks have forced the metagene to manifest itself, and Snapper gains the ability to teleport whenever he snaps his fingers. In Invasion! #3 (March 1989), we learn that these six heroes have been transferred to Starlag, the Dominator prison-world. There, they meet up with the Omega Men, and with Brainiac 2 and his super-group the Licensed Extra Governmental Interstellar Operatives Network (L.E.G.I.O.N.) Together, the three groups break out of Starlag and flee aboard a shuttle piloted by the alien feline, Churljenkins. They run into a superhero task force led by Superman, and invade the Dominator home-world. There, they discover a cure for the Dominators' gene bomb. Snapper and his group, now called the Blasters, return to Earth while Churljenkins joins the Omega Men and flies off into space.

In Blasters Special #1 (March 1989), Snapper decides to keep his eyes open during a teleport, to see what occurs. Unfortunately, he witnesses an eternity of time passing, and is driven temporarily insane. Each of the Blasters has had trouble adjusting to their new powers, and an alien race puts the entire group in an asylum. Snapper escapes by teleporting directly to Churljenkins' ship, which had broken down on an alien world. Churljenkins helps restore Snapper's sanity, and the two of them repair the ship and flee -- stranding the Omega Men. They discover that the Dominators have destroyed Churl's home planet, so they return to Earth. They discover that the Spider Guild, an alien race of humanoid arachnids, has created a weapons depot near Earth. Snapper breaks the Blasters out of the hospital, and the team destroys the depot.

Snapper next appeared in the comic book Valor. The planet Daxam had helped the Dominators invade Earth, but were convinced by Superman to switch sides. Daxamites, a sub-species of Kryptonian, also gain super powers under a yellow sun, and these vast army of supermen helped turn the tide and save Earth. The father of Lar Gand (later named Mon-el) died during this battle. Deciding to honor his father, he becomes a super-hero (jettisoning his planet's legendary xenophobia and introversion). He joins L.E.G.I.O.N., and meets Superman -- who gives him the name Valor. In Valor #5-6 (March-April 1993), Valor is accidentally imprisoned on Starlag II, a prison-world with a red sun. He signals for help, and his A.I. unit, named Babbage, sends for the Blasters. By this time, the Blasters had had a number of adventures, many of which had turned out poorly, and were about to disband. The team accidentally release the energy-being known as the Unimaginable, who had first appeared in Justice League of America Vol. 1 #42 (February 1966). Valor and the Blasters battle The Unimaginable in Valor #7 (May 1993). Valor manages to escape Starlag II in Valor #8 (June 1993), but the Blasters are trapped there.

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It's in Hourman #1 (April 1999) that we get a new Snapper Carr, and the one I fell in love with.

We meet the new Hourman, an android from the 853rd century. He was built by Tyler ChemoRobotics, a company founded by Hourman II (Rick Tyler) in the late 20th century. He became a member of the Justice Legion, and had assisted the New God, Metron, in retrieving the Worlogog (a reality-altering device) by traveling back in time and assisting the Justice League of America in finding the item. Metron then merged the Worlogog into Hourman, giving him vast time-travel and time-vision powers. He later returned to the 20th century to bring the Justice League forward in time to meet the Justice Legion. Only, the villain Solaris had infected Hourman with a virus that made time travel impossible. The only way to stop the virus was to create a body for Solaris -- thereby giving the villain life in a time-travel paradox.

Appalled that he had been so easily duped and used by Solaris, Hourman traveled permanently into the 20th century -- the one place where he could truly grow and evolve as a life-form. He joined the Justice League, and eventually downloaded Batman's memories of the League as a means of helping him understand humanity better. These memories made Hourman realize that he needed Snapper Carr.

We learn that Snapper's been married, and divorced from, a girl named Bethany Lee. Her mother is the Happy Harbor chief of police, and she hates Snapper. He also has a pet cat, whom he's named Starro. Snapper is turned into an android by Amazo in Hourman #6 (September 1999) after Amazo gains the ability to not just capture a person's super-powers but their humanity as well. When Amazo attacks Snapper's home, Starro is injured (and Hourman has to take the cat to the vet). Snapper's humanity is returned when Hourman realizes that he can reverse the "humanization" effect. In Hourman #8 (November 1999), Snapper is caught up in the onslaught of demons created by Day of Judgment, and fantasizes about two alternative futures -- one in which he never betrays the Justice League and becomes a super-hero, and one in which he does and becomes a washed-up drunk and failure. Using knowledge he gained from reading some of Felix Faust's magic books, Snapper manages to discover that the reason for the fantasies are an invisible demon on his back. He not only gets rids of the demon, but convinces it to turn good by feeding it cheesecake. Snapper, Bethany, and his friends accidentally get trapped aboard Hourman's timeship for months, nearly going insane. In Hourman #14 (May 2000), Snapper is kidnapped by demons and tortured. He's retrieved in Hourman #15 (June 2000), but is catatonic. In Hourman #16 (July 2000), Hourman has Snapper relive his life in order to bring his sanity back. Snapper in particular focuses on the time he betrayed the Justice League to the Joker, and in a straightforward retelling of Justice League of America #77 we learn that Snapper actually regrets quitting the Justice League. We also learn that Bethany divorced Snapper because Snapper felt he wasn't good enough for her. Hourman tells Snapper that the person he is now is the person Bethany and Hourman like; Snapper fights for the common man, and that's what people enjoy about him.

Snapper comes out of his catatonic state. When Hourman helps the Justice Society of America into defeating the Counter-Evolutionary in Hourman #18 (September 2000), Snapper castigates him for using brute force and not his brain or powers. In Hourman #19 (October 2000), Amazo returns and kills Snapper. Or, at least, it appears so: In Hourman #20 (November 2000), we learn how Snapper lost his powers. After Amazo "kills" him, Snapper finds himself back in time -- separated from the Blasters (again) and trying to find them. Somehow, he's gotten himself in trouble with the Khunds, who are pursuing him through space. Snapper is captured, and his fingers are locked together to prevent him from teleporting. Snapper wonders why no one has come to free him, and concludes that he has always been a disappointment to first the Justice League, then the Blasters. The Khunds torture Snapper. Snapper now realizes that Amazo has not only killed his body, but sent Snapper's mind back in time to the worst point in his history. Snapper screams as the Khunds cut Snapper's hands off. In Hourman #21 (December 2000), Hourman heads to the future to try to learn how his future self has supplanted his current self. He realizes the Future Hourman is really Amazo, and goes back to the 21st century to confront him. At first, he's happy that Amazo has done so much good (like curing Rick Tyler's mortal illness) in imitating him. But when Amazo reveals that he's killed Snapper, an enraged Hourman merged with Amazo. The merged android goes back in time to the planet Cairn, where Brainiac 2 is giving Snapper new hands. Snapper cannot teleport anymore, but Snapper seems content. Amazo/Hourman arrives, and in Hourman #22 (January 2001) he takes Snapper back to the present. Hourman puts Snapper and all Snapper's friends into the timeship, and in Hourman #25 (April 2001) we find Snapper and his friends stranded on an asteroid. Hourman vanished from the timeship, causing it to crash and strand them. During his absence, Hourman learned who his real creator was. Hourman says that the time-trip was a last chance to have fun with his friends. He now needs to leave the 21st century and help guide Amazo to a truer and better understanding of what it means to be human. Hourman returns Snapper, Bethany, and the rest to Happy Harbour, and disappears.

During the Hourman run, Snapper is shown wearing a series of t-shirts, each emblazoned with a different superhero's logo or uniform colors.

Snapper next becomes a mentor to the super-hero teen group Young Justice. In Young Justice #38 (December 2001), Impulse (Bart Allen) decides to leave the group to live a normal life away from super-heroics. Robin resigns, too, feeling no one trusts him. Wonder Girl calls on the Red Tornado (the team's mentor) for help, and he sends them Snapper Carr. He continued to advise the group in issues #39, #40, and #41, but was not shown in issues #42, #43, #44, or #45. Snapper reappeared in #45, #46, and #47, but wasn't in issue #48. He was back in issue #49, out in issue #50, back in issue #51. Young Justice ended with issue #55. (The t-shirt gag continues in Young Justice.)

Apparently, Snapper's relationship with the Justice League has improved during this time. He attends Green Arrow's funeral (Green Arrow Vol. 3 #16 [October 2002]), is seen hanging out with the JLA in Avengers/JLA #3 (December 2003), and attends Green Arrow's wedding to Black Canary (Green Arrow/Black Canary: Wedding Special [November 2007]). His invitation to the wedding is stolen and restolen by a host of villains, but Snapper manages to attend the event anyway.

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Unfortunately, the cute, sexy, goofy Snapper Carr with the heart of gold is abandoned by DC Comics in 2007.

DC Comics had rebooted their comic universe in 1985 in "Crisis on Infinite Earths", again in "Zero Hour" in 1994, and "Infinite Crisis" in 2005. They'd do it again with "Final Crisis" in 2008 and "Flashpoint" in 2011, and god only knows they will do it again because it's only been a couple of years since the last one.

Now, this gets convoluted, but......... bear with. In addition, DC Comics had published "Identity Crisis" #1-#7 (June to December 2004). In this mini-series, Batman learns that various villains have discovered how to access the Justice League Satellite. Remember Doctor Light's attempt to do so? He succeeded, as have others. In fact, many villains have also learned the secret identities of various superheroes. To deal with the issue, the sorceress Zatanna has been mind-wiping these villains. Batman is appalled, and then learns that he opposed this in the past -- and his mind was wiped, too.

In response, Batman designs and builds an A.I. satellite he names Brother Eye. He uses Brother Eye to monitor the activities of a wide range of super-heroes, to ensure that they don't fuck with him again.

During the "Infinite Crisis" event, DC Comics published The OMAC Project #1-#7 (June to November 2005). The U.S. government has established a superhero monitoring group named Checkmate. Checkmate unleased OMACs -- "Observational Metahuman Activity Constructs" all over the world. Hundreds of thousands of people across the world have been infected with Checkmate technology; when activated, the technology can force the human host to spy on superheroes. It can take over their minds, and their bodies. And in extreme cases, it can turn the human being into a remote-controlled superhuman who can control a metahuman or vigilante for Checkmate. Checkmate's "Black King", Maxwell Lord, takes over Brother Eye and begins to wage war against all superheroes. But Brother Eye is sentient, and manages to kill Lord while framing Wonder Woman for the job. Brother Eye then sends 200,000 OMACs against the world's heroes. Brother Eye's attack starts "Infinite Crisis".

"Infinite Crisis" was followed immediately by a DC Comics universe-wide cross-over known as "One Year Later". "One Year Later" was designed to avoid much of the trauma, debris, and aftermath of "Infinite Crisis". It explored the major continuity changes wreaked by "Infinite Crisis", and dealt with the ways in which Earth coped without a Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman. But writers are DC Comics chafed at the missed opportunity to roll around in all that trauma. So DC Comics launched another one-comic-a-week effort, "52". "52" covered the "missing year" between the end of "Infinite Crisis" and "One Year Later".

A bunch of one-offs, mini-series, and tie-ins were produced as part of "52". One of these was the six-part "52: Aftermath". In this mini-series, the Science Squad of supervillian Chang Tzu biogenetically engineers four entities representing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. In 52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #1 and #2 (October and November 2007), it's eight months after "Infinite Crisis". The Four Horseman devastate the nation of Kahndaq, which is ruled by Black Adam and his teenage protegés, Isis and Osiris. They kill Isis and Osiris, and an enraged Black Adam destroyed Yurrd (famine), Rogga (war), and Zorrm (pestilence). Azraeuz (death) fled to the neighboring war-torn nation of Bialya, where Black Adam killed him, too. Meanwhile, on Oolong Island, Veronica Cale (the head of Checkmate) is leading a team at work on some new experiment... Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman watch as an army of undead build new bodies for the Four Horsemen. Superman tries a pre-emptive strike, but is overtaken by pestilence-carrying insects. At the end of 52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #2, we learn that Snapper Carr is silently monitoring the heroes' activities. In 52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #3 (December 2007), readers learn that it's Cale who has summoned the Horsemen, and provided them with "morphogenetic technology" to form bodies more adapated to Earth and thus less capable of being destroyed (as Black Adam did). Mr. Terrific, once one of the New Gods and now a member of both Checkmate and the Justice Society, says that the Science Squad is close to building a portal to return the Four Horsemen to the nether realms. In Bialya, Snapper reveals himself to Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. Snapper says that Wayne Enterprises and Kord Industries are helping Mr. Terrific on Oolong Island, and that Mr. Terrific is going to ensure that Veronica Cale doesn't try anything funny. Batman wonders why Snapper is telling them all this. Snapper reluctantly explains that joined Checkmate during the OMAC crisis, and admits he's been spying on the Justice League since the dissolution of Young Justice. Superman is outraged, but Batman says that Snapper's help is needed: He can monitor things and warn Checkmate if the three heroes can't handle the Horsemen.

Superman is incapacitated by his wound, leaving Wonder Woman to investigate as the army of the dead attack Oolong Island. In 52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #4 (January 2008), the Doom Patrol arrives to help Wonder Woman stave off the dead on Oolong Island. Superman recovers enough to fly Snapper and Batman away from the advancing army of dead. Superman draws off Yurrd, while Batman attacks Zorrm. Azraeuz incapacitates Superman, and leaves him for Yurrd to feed on. Meanwhile, Rogga attacks Oolong Island. In 52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #5 (February 2008), Superman knocks Yurrd unconscious, and Batman fires morphine into Zorrm that knocks him out, too. Batman voices concern for Superman, but Snapper says "Clark can take care of himself." Batman slaps him for using Superman's real name. Rogga breaches the shields, damagin the dimensional portal and killing most of the scientists working on it. Mr. Terrific, however, is worried that Azraeuz stole some of Superman's DNA and has incorporated it into himself.

In 52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #6 (March 2008), Checkmate stashes Yurrd and Zorrm in stasis tubes. Snapper, who is monitoring the bodies, finds that the two Horsemen have died. Batman assumes both have fled to make new bodies. It's partially true: Zorrm's infection at last overwhelms Superman, and he takes control of the Kryptonian body. Just at that moment, Mr. Terrific transports Superman, Snapper, and Batman to Oolong Island. Inside the compound, Cale swallows the crystal intended to contain the essences of the Four Horsemen. Cale uses her own willpower and body to force Zorrm and Rogga into the crystal. Superman then hurls Cale against Azraeuz, and she sucks him into the crystal too. All that remains is Yurrd -- who tried to take over Batman, due to Batman's hunger for revenge. But Batman's need for revenge overpowered even Yurrd, and Yurrd, too, is now in the crystal. Cale evicts everyone from Oolong Island. The next day, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Mr. Terrific have dinner at stately Wayne Manor. Snapper is left with Checkmate.

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Now let's do some more bloated exposition and back-storying:

In 2007-2008, DC Comics ran the Death of the New Gods eight-issue limited series. The super-evil-nasty New God known as Darkseid discovers that the Black Racer has been killed along with a lot of other New Gods. The Forever People are missing and Serifan and Beautiful Dreamer are suspected of the murder. Orion blames Darkseid. Mister Miracle's wife, Big Barda, is killed and the Justice League investigates. Darkseid and Metron both discover that each New God was killed by having their soul ripped out. Takion is killed. Superman, Mister Miracle, and Orion discover that Darkseid has obtained a portion of the Anti-Life Equation (a literal equation which will allow him to completely dominate all life everywhere), although Mister Miracle's Alpha Effect (the antithesis of Darkseid's Omega Energy) is stronger. Darkseid tells the three heroes that he knows who the murderer is, and that he himself will die. When the bodies of the Forever People are found, Mister Miracle resurrects them -- but they are able to say nothing. In a flashback, we see Metron speaking to "the Source", which says it will kill the New Gods. The Source reveals that, at the start of the universe, it was attacked by the Old Gods and split into light and dark halves. The light side killed the Old Gods and then attempted to remake reality, but could only manage to make the Fourth World (New Genesis and Apokolips, the homes of the New Gods). When it attempted to merge with the dark side, the "Crisis on Infinite Earths" created an impenetrable wall between them. The Source orchestrated the events of "Infinite Crisis" and the events of "52" to bring back the Multiverse. Now that the wall is down, it has merged with its dark side and is killing the New Gods so the Fourth World can end and a perfect Fifth World will begin. Metron reveals his conversation to the three heros. Mister Miracle, disgusted, begs for death and dies. Metron, appalled, asks for death, too, and dies. The Source battles Darkseid, who has consumed a serum giving him access to the dark side. As Superman watches, the Source unleashes the ghost of Orion on Darkseid, who flees. The Source merges New Genesis and Apokolips into one planet to create the Fifth World. Superman leaves.

I know, who gives a shit?

The fall of Darkseid sets in motion DC Comics' mega-vast crossover event, "Final Crisis". Although the Final Crisis comic books themselves consist of just seven issues (from July 2008 to March 2009), it was preceded by a 51-issue Countdown to Final Crisis and included four tie-ins (Justice League of America Vol. 2 #21 [July 2008], Batman #682-#683 [January 1 and January 15 2009], Batman #701-#702 [September to October 2010], and Superman/Batman #76 [November 2010]), two one-offs (DC Universe #0 [June 2008], DC Universe: Last Will and Testament [October 2008]), and a jaw-dropping TEN Final Crisis one-offs (Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds #1-#5 [August 2008 to September 2009], Final Crisis: Rage of the Red Lanterns [October 2008], Final Crisis: Requiem [September 2008], Final Crisis: Resist [December 2008], Final Crisis: Revelations #1-#5 [October 2008 to January 2009], Final Crisis: Rogues' Revenge #1-#3 [September to November 2008], Final Crisis: Secret Files [February 2009], Final Crisis: Sketchbook [July 2008], Final Crisis: Submit [December 2008], and Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #1-2 [October 2008; March 2009]).


So, Darkseid doesn't die at the end of Death of the New Gods. Instead, his soul -- along with the souls of all the other evil New Gods -- has landed on Earth. They coalesce into a new body, but Darkseid's travel through time and space has caused a black hole to open at the heart of creation. The supervillain Libra (last see in Justice League of America Vol. 1 #111–112 [June and August 1974], and founder of the Injustice Gang) had, long ago, been restored to life by Darkseid and gathers an army of supervillains to carry out Darkseid's plan before Darkseid dies. They seize control of a wide range of nations and government facilities, including the city of Blüdhaven (near Gotham City). The body of the New God Orion is found on Earth, killed by a poisonous bullet fired through time. The ghost of the New God Granny Goodness traps Batman in the bioweapons compound Command D, beneath Blüdhaven. Wonder Woman is infected with a deadly virus, Superman leaves for the future to find help, and Barry Allen is resurrected only to find himself racing Wally West and the Black Racer through time to stop the bullet (they fail, obviously).

Darkseid resurrects himself in a new body, and releases the Anti-Life Equation. A month passes. Nearly all of Earth's people have fallen victim to it, as well as most superheroes -- who now form a unit called "Justifiers". Small groups of heroes who've avoided the Anti-Life Equation discover that using a letter from the New Gods alphabet can free people from Darkseid's control. A battle royale breaks out, and although many heroes fall victim to the Equation an equal number are freed by the letter. Nix Uotan, an exiled member of the cosmic Monitors who has been turned into a human being for his failures, watches all this, his memories restored by Metron (who is, weirdly, now alive). Escaping Command D, Batman uses anotehr poisonous bullet to kill Darkseid, who in his dying act uses his Omega Beams to kill Batman. Superman returns to the present and fights the dying Darkseid. Just then, the Flashes and Black Racer arrive at Command D. Their arrival creates the temporal vortex into which Darkseid shoots the bullet that kills Orion. Darkseid uses his Omega Beams on the Flashes -- who race ahead of them and pass through Darkseid. Darkseid is hit by his own beams, and dies. Humanity is freed from the Anti-Life Equation. But the black hole has now consumed nearly all of reality. Superman is left alone at the end of time and space, building a Miracle Machine (given to him by Brainiac 5 of the Legion of Super-Heroes during his trip to the future).

But there's one final problem: Mandrakk, father of Nix Uotan, has already occupied the "end of time and space" and attacks Superman. Superman dies, and uses the solar energy in his own cells to power the Miracle Machine. An army of Supermen from all across the Multiverse appears, as does Nix Uotan. Using his Monitor powers, Nix resurrects the Green Lantern Corps, the Zoo Crew, and some other superheroes. Mandrakk is killed, Earth is dragged out of the black hole, and the other Monitors cease to exist. (Superman's wish? A happy ending.) It turns out, in the final pages, that Batman is not dead, but merely cast back in time. He now randomly begins moving forward in time, influencing history right and left.

I know, it's all metaphysical junk.

What's Snapper got to do with all this crap?

Well, they kind of bring back the goofy, idiotic, sweet Snapper Carr.

Final Crisis: Resist (December 2008) is set on the day the Anti-Life Equation is released. Checkmate has relocated to Antarctica from Oolong Island (although why they would do is is incredibly stupid). Most of the Checkmate staff, heroes, and villains are infected. Snapper -- whose teleportation abilites have now remanifested (although this is never explained how) -- has been teleporting around the globe disrupting Darkseid's plans. While obtaining food for the remaining Checkmate members, Snapper is attacked by an infected Firehawk, but the villainness Cheetah saves him.

Soon thereafter, while seeking out medical supplies, Snapper is sickened to see children being infected with Anti-Life. He then discovers Cheetah in a medical ward trying to bandage an injury. Cheetah comes on to Snapper, and in one of the most glorious scenes ever written -- they have sex on the hospital room floor. Cheetah implies that Snapper is now only very well-endowed, but an excellent lover.

Naturally, no sweet interlude can last, as an infected Gorilla Grodd (wearing a Justifier helmet) breaks in on them. Grodd uses his mind-numbing powers on them, and Snapper telports out. Cheetah thinks Snapper has abandoned her, but Snapper reappears behind her, and then teleports them both to Checkmate. Unfortunately, both the attack and strain of transporting Cheetah has destroyed Snapper's teleportation abilities.

Mister Terrific realizes that his lover, Checkmate operative Sasha Bordeaux, knows the code for activating the OMACs. But she's been infected with Anti-Life, and is in stasis. Terrific wakens her and the code is retrieved from her mind, even though she is infected completely with Anti-Life during this process. Terrific then kills her. Terrific then activates the OMACs. The last we see of Snapper is him leading a charge of OMACs, Mister Terrific, Cheetah, and the remaining Checkmate staff in a charge out of the bunker.

* * * * * * *

We see Snapper just once more, in Justice League of America 80-Page Giant Vol. 2 #1 (November 2009). Snapper's hanging out at the JLA's old Secret Sanctuary in Happy Harbor, Rhode Island. Somehow, he is able to call Cheetah. She shows up, and she and Snapper are about to do the nasty again when the Time Commander shows up. He's a supervillain who once beat Hourman II (Rick Tyler) and stole his hourglass, giving Time Commander superb time-traveling and manipulation abilities (in JSA Classified #34 [March 2008]). Time Commander tells Snapper that the old Justice League foe, Time Lord (now known as Epoch), is trying to kill the League by attacking them when they were children. Time Commander has already scattered our heroes through time in an attempt to stop Time Lord from killing them.

We then get six different mini-stories, each featuring one or more League members.

At the end of the comic, Snapper demands more information from the Time Commander. The villain explains that Epoch wants to kill Time Commander's grandmother, who is being born today in Happy Harbor. Snapper persuades Cheetah to help, distracting the Time Lord so Snapper can teleport into the hospital, teleport Epoch outside, and then teleport back to the Time Commander -- this time, with Epoch's forearm and hand in his grasp. The JLA appear, surrounding Epoch. Without his time gauntlet, it's a short fight.

Cheetah, Snapper, and Time Commander bid goodbye to the newborn grandmother in the hospital, and Time Commander takes Epoch to the Timepoint (a frozen moment in time that serves as a prison). Cheetah reveals that the baby isn't Time Commander's grandmother: She is a demi-god of fertility, and can tell. Snapper realizes he's been played again. He teleports back to the Secret Sanctuary, and discovers that Time Commander has stolen his hourglass back from the JLA trophy case. The whole thing was designed to distract Snapper (who unwittingly was in the Sanctuary and preventing Time Commander from stealing it). Cheetah tells Snapper that maybe he'd be better off being a villain...

Yeah, for some reason Snapper has his powers back. Again.

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