Saturday, April 26, 2014

Dr. Orpheus: We must draw him out! Draw him from hell, with hell! Quickly! [points at Jefferson] What is the worst thing that ever happened to you?

Jefferson Twilight: Umm! I saw my mom raped by blackulas. I was ten. She called my name.... I -- I just stood there...

Dr. Orpheus: Uhh, wow. [pauses] Wait! I can hear him! More ugliness!!

Billy Quizboy: Oh! Once I saw two homeless guys giving each other oral sex.

Dr. Orpheus: Yes! He's closer! More like that!

The Alchemist: Okay, this is really gross. Once, I was out of toilet paper, so I used cotton balls. So, you know, I'm wiping, and I think my finger kinda poked through the cotton, so I, and -- and, do not ask me why -- I smell my finger to check...

Jefferson Twilight: Gross! I see where this is going.

Dr. Orpheus: Quickly, Al! He's so close!

The Alchemist: Okay! I bring it up to smell it, right? But somehow the cotton got stuck to my fingers... So when I smell my fingers, the cotton's getting stuck to my razor stubble! So then I have this shit cotton all over my face!

- "The Better Man", Season 4, THE VENTURE BROS.

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